The downside...March 29, 2013

My gut is still very sore this morning. I'm having a bit of tea, I gave even tea up for months but it helps get me moving, even the smallest amount but coffee I am not able to tolerate, it inflames my gut, liver and spleen. So now I begin again. I so had hoped I could have coffee now and then but I'm not able to unless I'm willing to lose my strength and suffer in ways I don't want to, I already have enough on me, I can't afford a loss of energy and I don't want this pain to be the focus in my life.

If I am going to endure pain then I want that pain to radiate from hooping extremely and yes I do suffer with that pain several times a week from hoop dancing on the shore for 7 to 10 hours a week. Now I have to hoop dance with this pain to restore my strength, right now, my liver, spleen, gut and kidneys are so tender that they feel bruised.

This sensation gives rise to a lot of fear that I must devote myself to working with so it is quite and doesn't spin out of control. I'm like my own baby that I must care for because there is no one else that can take on this challenge for me. I feel the effects of the virus so I am the one that is able to measure its stability and instability and then orchestrate how to move into a stronger and healthier position.

Discipline rules, make a move away from it, well the suffering begins, maybe a little discomfort at first but soon it snowballs...